A Year for the Books
By Carisa Wilsie
One year ago, most aspects of life started shutting down or changing as we began living in a new, restricted way. Our expectations were upended. Our routines were disrupted. All semblance of life in 2020 as we knew it changed. It was a hard year. This calendar year hasn’t magically changed. We have seen a few glimpses of our former lives, but a return to normal is still down the road. We’ve had new challenges in 2021 that have left us looking for new direction yet again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but our GPS still can’t pinpoint the end.
You may not have realized we hit the one-year mark, but I bet your mind and body started responding. I usually start planning for my kids’ spring break, but this year I kept pushing it out of my mind. Last year they didn’t go back after spring break so looking forward to this year was hard! I have talked to many people who say life is hard right now. Lots of parents are experiencing really challenging behaviors in their children. As your resident psychologist, I want to offer some ideas for you and others in your home:
1. Give Grace
We are living in unprecedented times. I’ve never had to figure out how to work from home, help my kids with virtual school, re-work the way my family gets fed each day, track seemingly minor health symptoms for my whole house and try to live in community with others in a new way—all at the same time.
God’s mercy is new each morning, so I have to give myself grace in all the situations that are new to me but have also begun to feel mundane after a year (Zoom fatigue, anyone?) I also have to extend this grace to my husband, my children and my community. It’s easy to lash out at someone who is safe. Snapping at my husband to take out the trash or at my kids to be quiet while I am on my sixth zoom call of the day is not the answer, but it sure comes easy.
A lot of kids have also been regressing into behaviors that are not age appropriate. Young kids might have trouble sleeping through the night, school-age children “forget” how to do everyday tasks, and teenagers have difficulties organizing thoughts into daily living skills. Knowing this is common among kids right now is freeing to parents. Most often, kids bounce back quickly after a period of stress subsides. Since we have lived in a time of prolonged stress, we have to give them grace to catch up. And if the struggle continues, a talk with their pediatrician might help.
Another major problem we are learning to understand is the systemic racism that continues to be part of our society. We are still learning how to give and receive grace in these situations. I’m trying to listen and learn, but not everyone has a place of privilege like I have where they can learn and consume quality perspectives. Or maybe they don’t know how. Where I am now in my learning process has literally been a lifelong experience, and I have SO much more to learn. So I can’t fault others to not be in the same position yet. I have to give grace and help walk them through how I have been learning. Jesus gave us an example of how to give grace a countless number of times in the New Testament, and we simply have to follow it (Ephesians 4:32, Luke 23:34).
2. Find Outlets
You may not have your normal routine with outlets to feed your soul. My normal Bible study time has long been covered up with the new routine of life. My workout regimen had to change. My ability to be around the people I love and who feed into me had to be reduced. And even as we “open back up,” life still doesn’t look the same. We must pivot and find new, healthy outlets. If you are struggling with Bible study time in your old routine, pivot to a new routine. Shake it up. You may find new breath as I have. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the gym, you may feel like your physical health has declined. Find other ways to exercise. I completed a 30-minute dance workout video with my kids that was free on Amazon, and I was sore for three days! That pivot was worth it.
If you miss people, find ways to see others safely. I have met one friend at a time on nice days, and we sit six feet apart outside. My home group shifted to meeting virtually after kids’ bedtimes. We were able to talk better without a multitude of kids running around, and it made us more thankful for those in-person meetings once we resumed. Find a way to pivot if you are feeling stuck.
3. Give Yourself and Others Permission to Grieve
I have had to grieve many times the last year. People are dying. People are sick. The physical, emotional and mental effects of Covid linger for many beyond the initial illness. Lives are forever changed. In the midst of this pandemic, I have also been in the process of realizing my own racist actions as our brothers and sisters are living in a world that doesn’t feel like my world. My friends have lost their jobs or their businesses. All of these things weigh very heavily on my heart. They also hurt the heart of God and should hurt our hearts as well.
When we don’t recognize the need to grieve, we get ourselves into trouble. Holding onto those emotions can damage our physical, emotional and spiritual selves. We must give them to God and talk to others who can help lift us up. Grieving looks different for everyone. It doesn’t always mean sitting down and crying. It may be going for a walk or a run. Or it may be processing grief through creativity like art, music, movement or writing.
As I painted a bathroom in my home, I thought about my friends who have lost fathers to Covid, about my own racist actions contributing to systemic racism, about the loss of my children enjoying a childhood this past year, about friends who have lost jobs during this pandemic and about how I may not get to meet my first nephew until days after he is born due to hospital restrictions. All of this took getting alone with my thoughts and not burying my nose in social media or binging on Netflix. Grieving is hard, but it is a restorative process. God says to come near to Him as He cares about the brokenhearted (Psalm 34 and 147).
Moving past a year mark hasn’t immediately changed things, but I do think we are moving toward easier days. God never promised this life would be easy, but He did promise that He was near to us (James 4:8). Without a doubt, I know that I would not have made it through this past year without God and my CRBC community. I pray that you all feel comfort and draw near to God in the days ahead.
Author Bio
Carisa Wilsie, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and orphan care advocate. She is involved in state efforts to better the lives of children with compromised beginnings in Oklahoma. She does life with many bright, compassionate and encouraging people that hold her up. She is a wife and mother to three who were born out of her heart through adoption. Most importantly, she is a Christ follower and strives every day to live out her unique calling. Thoughts shared here are based out of personal opinion and experience.